July 7, 2022
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Town Newspaper Name Makes A Stink

3 min read

Newspaper headlinesImagine it:

You’ve made the move, finally. You’ve committed. After fretting over property value, 30-year fixed or 15-year fixed mortgages, location, school, taxes, and everything else, you’ve moved to Uranus, Missouri. It’s a cool destination and it’s named after one of the outermost planets in our solar system.

Yawning over your morning coffee, you meander to get the mail and see a new town newspaper amongst the usual suspects.

The Uranus Examiner

The brain makes most connections before a child turns 10 years, so, adult though you may be, you had to see where this was going. Because the child writing this is doing their best to sustain their maturity.

Do you spit your coffee laughing or in disgust?

Back to reality:

A few days ago the town named their newspaper exactly that and they’re not backing down.

“We had thought about Constitution, but most of our readers, the people who love us, and who were part of coming up with the name, liked the ‘examiner’ better,” said managing editor Natalie Sanders.

Research has found that offices attract 7% more attention if the landscaping is pleasant, but a creative name is another sure way to attract attention. And having The Uranus Examiner emblazoned on the outside of your building attracts way more attention. No research required. The staff of the newspaper is finding this out now, as their cheeky name has caused an uproar amongst residents of neighboring towns.

The Examiner comes in the wake of their former newspaper, The Waynesville Daily Guide being shut down. Sanders was the managing editor there before and was tasked with filling the gap. The Uranus Examiner was announced this past week at a town hall meeting, fully backed by Louie Keen, none other than the Mayor of Uranus. And people are freaking out.

“If Louie Keen wants to pick up the slack and provide a media product to people in this community who want print media, I want to see that happen, I want to see it succeed. That name does not indicate a serious newspaper,” says Darrell Maurina, owner of a neighboring online newspaper.

Despite the flack, Sanders and Keen are sticking to their buns and keeping the name. They’ll also be publishing a regular paper for local news, notices, and the normal newspapery accouterments. The Examiner is meant to market local businesses

and the tourist attraction/destination that is Uranus, in tandem with the more serious side of things.

“No. I’m sorry. But, the innuendo of that title puts my city up for public ridicule, and I will not be a part of it,” says Luge Hardman, Mayor of Waynesville.

He refuses to have any required city notices published in The Examiner. Sanders doesn’t mind, and, since Uranus, Missouri is paying for the newspaper to exist, insists that their name and representation are important and should be respected.

“It’s a serious newspaper. No one’s going to forget this name. I’m sorry but we’re not changing the name,” Sanders said with authority.

The print media version of sorry not sorry, we like to picture her dropping the mic and walking off stage.

The Uranus Examiner will be hot off the presses, steaming up 15,000 mailboxes by the end of October.

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